Ready. Set. Pee...

I'm feeling like a giant r-tard just trying to sign on to this crazy blog. This is NEW FOR ME. Good work, I can cross that one off my list. Now that I'm here, I feel compelled to add a disclaimer. I will do my best to amuse and entertain but I AM NOT A LADY. I will most likely offend, disgust and/or SHOCK the said readers of this forum. I dare say it won't happen every entry, but it WILL happen. There will most likely be frequent discussion (within my own head that will trickle onto this cyber-paper) that includes a barrage of swear words, sexual innuendos and an occasional reference to vibrators and/or self-pleasuring. This is just a friendly heads up. It's just the way my sick and twisted mind processes. So if you're under 18, CLOSE THIS PAGE IMMEDIATELY. A further warning--there is a trifecta that seems to follow me everywhere: pants peeing, vomiting and blowing food/beverages out of one's nose while laughing. You will see pictures and read stories that can and will attest to this. It has nothing to do with bladder function, eating disorders or circus tricks but rather the lack of self awareness that comes with public drunkeness, a hearty dose of the inane and ridiculous, and a penchant for GOOD TIMES. This IS the Perfect Storm. The attached is a photo of one of my BFF's, Carmen, pee-pants on a recent trip to Austin, TX. As you can see, these are not the ORDINARY pee pants that one could camouflage an itty-bitty dribble with a purse or a sweat shirt around the waist. No, this was FULL-ON incontinence that resembled being shot in the crotch with a garden hose. (I must rat myself out that both friend Rebecca and I had to drop to the floor in the hotel lobby in order for this not to happen to us as well, but give us props as we risked serious carpet burns to save our capris for the next warm-weather trip. I'm pretty sure that Carm had to burn this particular pair as the ENTIRE bathroom smelled like an old-folks home for the rest of the trip despite several interventions.) I will say that the laughter that ensued before, during and after this "incident" was classic, exhausting, painful and PRICELESS. I will close this entry by saying that I hope you will see MANY, MANY more pictures of uproarious laughter, wet undergarments and ill-rehearsed stunts as we move forward with new and exciting adventures. Tri-tri-tri as we might, somebody is BOUND to pee...